In the middle of a Major Breakdown

Most humans generally go through life without even being aware about the consciousness that is guiding it. They therefore are not able to go into the realms of Transforming the Core Consciousness at all. Transformation, if at all, generally occurs more by accident rather than design. We 'invite' trauma to trigger the change because more often than not, it is the time spent alone immediately after a major incident that starts the process of change.

To be able to therefore, not only be aware of the Core Consciousness but also to witness the process of transformation unfolding is indeed a beautiful experience - one that I am going through in the moment.

I am blessed in the sense that I did not need a major trauma to go through a shift or maybe I did but that's another story. I attracted a simple throat infection that needed antibiotics (after a long, long time) to ensure that I stayed in a bed in a somewhat quarantine state in order to go through a powerful process. 

Judging by my actions especially over the last twenty years or so, people close to me would label my life as one being largely spiritual. Not that I did not have any use for wealth but that is something that has been eluding me somehow in spite of all the best laid plans and efforts. My relation with wealth and things material has largely been one of 'having just enough'. 

As the needs were being taken care of in ways that were often rather mysterious, I gave up on even trying to create abundance a few years ago. I accepted maybe in a negative kind of way that my life this time around was going to be one that is largely spiritual rather than material.

I admit that I have not been fully content with the life that I have been living. At peace most of the time in recent years; yes, but there have been desires that are unfulfilled: things to do, places to see. Like most spiritual seekers, I have largely been stuck

This is apparently changing.

I am in the middle of a major breakdown that is helping transform my core consciousness from one being largely Spiritual to one that is Material as well. 

This shift has been preceded by certain events that have been unfolding since about June of last year. I have not shared anything in this space because the desire to do so was just not there. That is till now...

Filling-in the gaps:

Last July, I enrolled in a class and learnt the basics of clay scuplting. I also learnt the techniques of making plaster-of-paris and also rubber moulds. This experience helped the creative part of me as I realized that I could create beautiful pieces with a bit of effort. However, as a deeper desire and the required passion was not there, no major efforts were put in to explore this creative aspect of mine a bit more. 

I also realized that working with clay was therapeutic and that I could get into the healing zone real quick.

I was then 'lead to' attend the Landmark Forum workshop in mid Dec 2012 and the Advance Course in mid Jan 2013. I also attended nine of the the ten Landmark Forum In Action (LFIA) Seminars.

On Jan 5, 2013 I started taking Golf lessons along with my better half.

And now to the breakdown that I am going through:

March 13, 2013 - During the Final Session of the ten LFIA seminars, I shared that the whole process of participating in the Landmark Forum, Advance Course and the LFIA Seminars was like being 'Born Again'.

March 17, 2013 - Woke up with a persistent cough happening every few minutes. I did get ready to go for my golf practice but suddenly felt weak and decided to skip it for the day. Was in bed whole day. Did not eat anything. Was very uncomfortable throughout the night with short spells of coughing - only three-four short rasping coughs at a time but happening frequently. I also needing sips of water every 10 minutes or so through-out the night as mouth was very, very dry.

6 am March 18, 2013 - Called a physician as I had this scary thought that maybe I had contracted swine flu. The physical examination revealed that I had a very, very bad throat. Funny thing was that other than the cough, I did not have any pain, discomfort in the throat area. I also did not have any problems swallowing anything that I wanted. I was running a fever of around 102 - 103. Started a course of antibiotics - first time in maybe 15-17 years.

Next 48 hours - Pretty restless. Could not get long spells of sleep. Could not eat - anyway did not feel like eating anything. Just a bit of fruit and the meds. Temperature of about 102 - 103 and body ache.

I noticed that self healing / deep breathing was not working. It was then that I realized that something big was happening.

There were thoughts of Death too which was rather odd.

I also found solace in muttering gibberish (which did make my wife a bit upset!)

March 20, 2013 - In one crazy moment when I was in the half awake/half asleep state there was clarity when the thought crossed my mind, "What if your spirit is dying and you are being born again in the same body? What if you are really Ascending?"

In a flash I knew that This Is It because my breathing eased up the moment I acknowledged the thought that I am going through a kind of re-birthing process. It was from that moment onwards that I started observing the shifts that are happening within. To put it briefly, my relationship with almost everything in life is changing.

I missed office on account of health for three consecutive days maybe for the first time in ages. But felt okay with that.

March 21, 2013 onwards

Normal life resumed in a limited kind of way. I could start attending office but am operating on limited resources, so to say. I am not feeling 100% okay in this moment. I notice feelings of weakness every now and then. But there was no weakness while I was practicing my short game yesterday and today morning in the society's play area. I also was perfectly fine when I went to the driving range last evening.

My body needs periods of rest more frequently. In those moments, I can sense energy movements inside. I have no proof of this but do know that there is a lot of reconstruction activity going on within me. I can sense my body being split in two parts - one above the throat and the rest below with something happening in either areas whenever I stop whatever it is that I am doing. I seem to be in some kind of spaced out zone almost all the time.

* * * *

The more I dwell on it, the more I am certain that this indeed is it. The following thoughts/feelings are validation enough, not that I need any:

A) For the first time in my life, I just want to get off the Spiritual Journey Bus that I have been riding (especially in the last 10-12 years) and board the Material Journey Bus also.

B) I would rather go work on my golf game than spend time with some spiritual seeker. That was not the case not so long ago. My priorities have shifted.

C) My relationship with what I am feeding myself is changing. The quantity of what I want to or need to ingest has come down drastically. I have also noticed that there is a lot of love when I feed myself. This is definitely something new in my life. Just a few days ago, it was more like eating what was available and get it over with. Now it's more like I am nurturing myself. Like my physical self is not my own but something that I have borrowed for a limited period of time.

D) The relationship with work has shifted. Even the way that I am dealing with the spiritual seekers in my life is changing/ has already changed.  

The sense of peace within has definitely moved up a few notches ever since I have acknowledged to myself the fact that I am moving from living a largely spiritual life to one that would now have a liberal dose of materialism too.

I am looking forward to being Spiritually Materialistic.

And so it is.

1 comment:

  1. I loved this....
    "What if your spirit is dying and you are being born again in the same body? What if you are really Ascending?"
    Great insights Sir, thanks for guiding us....


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